I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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