so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
