2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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