i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
how does that bad decision feel?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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