Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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