i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
