mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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