i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
