You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
