Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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