My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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