I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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