guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just pee around me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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