trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
