Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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