I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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