Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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