I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
