Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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