I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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