She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
