I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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