they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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