I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize