He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
