I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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