I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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