Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
