but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles