I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
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yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt