She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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