i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
