i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
