I need help removing her.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
