things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
