you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
