I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
