when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
