Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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