I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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