I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
