she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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