Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
