there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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