looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
