I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
