Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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