Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
