remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
4 words: hood of his car
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
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You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize