Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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