If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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