I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
