then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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