Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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