She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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