He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
