I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
