whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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