you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
