Need sex. Gaining weight.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.