After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
