we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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