Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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