Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
