you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
