sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
