would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
