can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize